ok. it's official. i don't want to be an adult. i want to be able to do the kids things i guess. i am not ready for the responsibility that i have coming my way right now. the stupid liars and crazy people in my family are driving me nuts. i don't know what to do anymore. i can't be the one to do this. why do i have to be the one to grow up so fast and why are all the adults being children? this is not the way my life is supposed to be. i am taking my life by the reins and chosing my own destiny. yes, ultimately it is God who chooses that but I am not going to let some peope have effect on me. Sunday night i went to church with Kristin and the sermon was about revelation. it was a great sermon considering my current situation. i know my grandmother is in heaven. she was not perfect. i know this. but that woman was a saint for putting up with my grandfather and her daughters. they have put her through hell and now i see how bad it is. she was a wonderful woman and i am in great debt to her for all the wonderful things she has done for me. i know she and my granny are in heaven now at some big slot machine and playing cards cause that is what they each loved to to. i know i will see them both some day but i wonder if my memaw will see her husband or her children. or does she even want to. yes she loved them more than anything in this world but the things these people did dilberatly to her is something no one should ever have to go through. i want more than anything to see her happy. i know she is happy now. i just want to take a day that i don't have someone breathing down my neck. or someone telling me what i need to do. or lies. gosh i am so sick of lies. i am a very honest person and do not appreciated what these people are doing to me or the other people who love them. but that is all for now. get some of my frustrations out.